First thing Tuesday morning

I had my follow up appointment early on Tuesday morning. 

I went and got my blood drawn. Last Wednesday my levels were at 2520... I got my results later Tuesday and it went down to 147...

I ended up going over to Women's Health once I was done at the lab were I was to see a doctor and get an ultrasound.

The doctor I ended up seeing had No bedside manners at all!!! She basically made me feel like it was all my fault that we miscarried.

She said that many women have multiple miscarriages in a row due to getting pregnant too soon.

This statement bothers me because no one ever mentioned that to us as a fear when we decide to try months are we miscarried in January. I had assumed that it would have been harder to become pregnant- not that my chances of miscarriage would be higher.  The fact that this woman didn't seem to have any sympathy or empathy for what I was going through...  I was just another case... 

I don't know...

I feel like I am finally getting used to the idea of everything that has happened  in the past few months. 

It's crazy to think that my baby would be making his/her appearance into this world in about a month. June 9th was my due date...

I pray often that God will give me the chance to carry a child to term.  I wonder why me... Why twice.  I have thought a lot about how I would go through the worst morning sickness, pregnancy induced kidney stones, carpal tunnel, back pain... Anything to be able to hold a child in my arms.  I know God has a plan. Maybe it isn't in the plan to carry a child naturally but I feel like I am meant to be a mother - to care for a child. 

I have decided that I will not give up hope. I have faith. 

I know that reading all this is probably depressing. I feel like this is the sort of thing that other people don't talk about.

Fertility doesn't always come easy and I don't want anyone else to feel like they are alone in this - like I have.