Just Be a Duck: Secret is out!

June 30th was the day I found out we were pregnant for the 3rd time. After the first 2 pregnancies this realization was kind of scary to me. We really were worried that we would miscarry so we decided not to tell anyone... for awhile at least.

Our first pregnancy, we miscarried at 18 weeks. Apparently the pregnancy failed to develop past 12 weeks. Second time we miscarried at 7 weeks. So naturally we were scared that it would eventually end in miscarriage so I didn't want to get my hopes up. I wasn't going to talk about it, I wasn't going to call the doctor... We were going to wait it out. I didn't end up even telling Katie until 2 or 3 weeks later.

8-20 First prenatal appointment

When I went in for our first appointment I had made sure to request a provider that was going to be sensitive to everything we had been through. Basically 2 miscarriages within 6 months... 3 pregnancies within 1 year... It was a lot to handle and a lot to be fearful of. They ended up placing us with a woman who was wonderful. We got to the appointment and I felt like she immediately saw through me... Or I was just ready to let go because after about 2 minutes of being in the exam room i was in tears confessing how scared I was.

I hate the question "well, do you feel pregnant?"

I don't know anymore! I had spent so much time worrying and stressing I didn't know anymore. I had morning sickness that I started to think it was me getting upset and it just being nerves. She ended up calming my fears. Her own daughter had gone through a miscarriage situation similar to mine that really helped me feel like she understood what I had been going through.

She finally started the exam so we could actually see our baby and put my fears aside that I had already lost it.

There it was... Our baby, alive and wiggling around! What a relief!

Chris ended up taking a video so I would be able to play it when I started to worry at home.

Baby's first close up... Somewhat of an alien look right now :)

It's little arms were wiggling away!

So I decided this time around we were going to keep this quiet. At least until after the ultrasound and we got the clear that we were progressing that we should be.

It wasn't that I didn't want people to know... It was that I didn't want to make the calls or texts if something happened. I had already been through that twice and it was like reliving it each time. I feel like it does help to talk about it - about loss - but it puts the other person in such an uncomfortable place.

So that is why I am waiting until now. I have my next appointment on Friday September 13. I am hoping that Friday the 13th will end up being good luck for us this year!

I keep hearing things from people saying third times the charm. I hope they are right!

12 weeks 5 days